The 7 Minute Marriage Solution

I was in a supermarket right before Thanksgiving and saw this (rather funny) argument between a wife and her idiot husband. It went something like this:

Wife: Listen once, because I’m getting fed up, I’m not cooking what your mother likes.

Husband: Okay, but listen, my folks are coming, and my mother wants us to have turkey, and…

Wife: Are your ears blocked? I said I don’t give a shit what your mother wants, I’m not cooking the turkey, we’re using the chicken we already have.

Husband: Let me explain, my mother doesn’t want…

Wife: Sweetie, do you understand English? The way men do it, is that if the wife is doing all the cooking, then she gets to plan the menu. You want turkey, order it in or cook it yourself.

Husband: Dear, you know I can’t cook, that’s why…

Wife: Shut up, I don’t care.

This argument continued with a lot of “did you hear what I just said” from the wife and a lot of “no, let me explain” from the husband. Perhaps this is a common problem in the American family, the traditional role versus the modern adult? Or perhaps just plain miscommunication?

One of the problems (and solutions) in this book is mutual interest and disinterest. Arterburn gives the example of a wife who likes to spend Sundays antiquing, and the husband who finds it a bore. But she doesn’t enjoy going by herself, so she stops, and ends up at home on Sunday, feeling bored. No one, no matter then gender, wants to spend the weekend having a bore around the house. It stinks.

Issues of sex, mutual respect, and trust are all covered here. Too often, spouses say things about each other can come off as demeaning and disrespectful, and rather than say so, they keep it to themselves and resentment builds. This book is one of many in print on how to save a marriage without spending a fortune on a therapist. 

Think of it in terms of any family dynamic; when your narcissistic mother nags, you can avoid her or move out, but when you have problems with your spouse, too bad. You’re stuck with him/her as long as you’re together.