Why Battered Women Stay

The reviews on Amazon are mostly negative, for what they perceive as biased and obsolete work. I was no familiar with the authors before I saw this book, so I’m going to review it on the merits of what I’m reading.

LaViolette and Barnett break down the psychology of spousal abuse into patterns. First, there’s “patriarchy,” where the woman has a desire for an ideal marriage. They don’t leave their abusive husbands because they’re afraid of making changes. Others have been taught that men have the final say, so they don’t understand why the husband’s behavior is wrong. Lastly, some abusive husbands ingratiate themselves into the wife’s family, so when she confides in them, they don’t want to believe her.

This book has lots of case studies, which is great, but there is a lot of bias. There was no mention of women who abuse their husbands, which does happen. There was also no mention or case study of a mentally ill spouse holding the family hostage. Growing up, I knew a boy whose father made all the rules of the household, and the mother followed them because she was afraid he’d kill himself. But what if it is the wife who is the problem? Let’s say the wife is bipolar and refuses to take her meds. She gets worse, and physically attacks her husband right in front of the kids. Her husband could be embarrassed to seek help, or he might be afraid she’ll kill herself (or the kids), or at the very worst, he’s already gone looking for help and the police didn’t believe him.

This book may have been great 20 years ago, but it needs to be updated and made a lot more inclusive. It needs to deal more with mental illness, which can be the source of a lot of familial dysfunction, along with teen dating violence, wife beating in traditional societies, and perhaps same-sex couples too.