Natalie Lue says that women who end up with workaholics and
commitment phobics are simply desperate. Desperation on the part of the woman
is what leads to her ending up with bad men, and that’s where “Mr. Unavailable”
comes in. She divides it into 11 categories of relationships, each
progressively worse. First comes the casual one, where both avoid commitment,
aka “mutually beneficial” or “friends with benefits.” Then you have the “boomerang”
relationship, where one leaves and returns constantly, and the other keeps
taking him/her back. Next come the “affairs” where they both cheat on each
other, often out of rebellion, and right on down to abusive relationships.
The solution here is simple. Worry more about yourself than
pleasing others. Start by trying to make yourself happy before you think about
making your significant other happy, and as I expected Lue to say, ditch the
alcohol. If you can’t find the man you want, change your expectations.
Similar issues were covered in Bernie Mac’s book “Act Like a
Woman, Think Like a Man.” He says “if you make $100,000 a year, does he have to
make that kind of money?” As for looks, he says “does he have to be a six feet
tall?” Much of the problem discussed in both books has to do with excessively
high standards. If you can’t accept a man who has less education and makes less
money, then you’re limiting the eligibility pool.
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